Greetings earthling, get ready for battle. Drink me, spread your wings and bust some moves on the dance floor. Like no one’s watching. Go for it and feel like a double rainbow.
The great great great ancestor of the Dodo.
They say the Dutch are the reason for the Dodo to go extinct. In 1498 the bird was hunted by Dutch sailors and invasive species, while its habitat was being destroyed. Now although this remains a dispute of ancient history, what most people don’t know is the people of the Netherlands are also responsible for the discovery of its closest relative, the Raphus Funkos Cucullatus (Funky Falcon), on the island of Mauritius, east of Madagascar in the Indian Ocean. In lost descriptions of the 15th century there are writings and sketches of the Sailors describing a bird five times the size of the Dodo and more colourful than a double rainbow all the way.
Rumour has it this bird couldn’t fly, instead it made (break)dance moves far ahead of its time. Also, apparently, the bird only ate one specific sort of grass known as Cymbopogon citratus, but better known as lemongrass. It is believed this Funky Falcon still roams the earth, but it has never been spotted since sailors last saw it on the island of Mauritius. Now the bird is often seen as a tattoo, spoken about in suburban legends and sung about in many folk songs. Therewith, it shines on our bottled pale ale.